Wanting to change me.

There are so many things that I want to change about myself. I feel that sometimes if I really were to change these things, I might actually get a date. Or maybe one guy in the ward might talk to me without me talking to them first. Maybe I would find a man who would fall in love with me and I wouldn't be Single Mormon Girl anymore. I've never thought that I've been physically unattractive, but I suppose I can work harder.

I think I'm more worried about my physical appearance than anything else. I want to lose weight, I want my acne to clear up (seriously...at my age I should not be having break outs). I want to fit a size 10 jeans....I want my hair to be longer, blonder, or whatever. I could go on. I wish that I didn't stumble over my words, that I could say what I feel. I wish that my body worked properly and that I didn't have to take life a little slower because of injuries.

So many things to fix. But would fixing them really bring me more attention from guys? And if it did? Would I want that attention? If it didn't? What would I do next?

I believe that it is important to continually improve ourselves in every aspect of life. I know that I spend more time worrying about my looks than I do reading my scriptures. I spend more time on my makeup than I do on my prayers. Ouch. That hurts to admit that. It's not that I don't want to....I just forget. But I never forget to put makeup on. Ever. If I ever walked out of the house with makeup on it was probably when I didn't wear makeup. Or during finals week. I need to remember not to leave the house without praying. I pray in my heart all day, but I should take that sacred time to talk with Him.

Along with making ourselves spiritually attractive, I know that we need to be willing to accept ourselves....which means accepting the acne, accepting the size 16 jeans in our closet, accepting our weaknesses in everything. God loves each one of us, despite the things we hate about ourselves. As long as we are moving steadily along the strait and narrow way, who cares how long our hair is? These things are trivial compared to the more important things in life....such as having a testimony of the Atonement of the Savior, knowing that Joseph Smith is a prophet called by God, and knowing that God loves us. These are more important.

Don't  judge yourself based on worldly criteria.

See yourself as God sees you.

While I'm waiting for those pounds to drop, I'm going to go study my scriptures and see what the Lord says about my worth. I'd rather hear it from Him than my weight-scale. And I believe that His view is more accurate, anyways.

Best Date

The best date:

...is talking the entire time and totally ignore what you came to see

...is free

...starts with a hug and ends with a hug (I just like hugs)

...is where I feel safe

...ends around 10pm on the weekdays and 12am on the weekends.

...doesn't have to be anything fancy.

...involves communication

...is where we can get to know each other

...is respectful

...is with a friend.

Brides in the Spring.

You shouldn't go to Temple Square on a Saturday in the springtime.

Unless you want to see 6 brides.

Which for Single Mormon Girl was probably not the best idea.

I saw a bride and her husband sitting on a bench by the temple and thought: "Ah! She just got married!"

Then I felt a little sorry for myself.

But it's alright. God will take care of me. He always has. I just have to have patience, and rejoice that the wait for some of my sisters is already over. I feel like I'm being left behind by some of my friends. Some day I will be moving on...but until then....I will trust in the Lord with ALL of my heart.

Better Than I....

Recently I’ve been thinking about all of the things that I want in my life: to be married, raise a righteous family, continue my education, live near my family, etc…All of those dreams are laying out, waiting to be realized. Most of the time, I feel like I am doing everything that I can to pick up those dreams. I live the gospel, I keep the commandments, I love the Lord and listen to His voice when He calls. I may not always act upon that call, but I am trying harder. And I am beginning to learn that just because I am living as righteously as I can does not mean that all of those dreams will be realized immediately. The Lord has a perfect understanding of my need for growth and He will, in His perfect timing, help me to realize those dreams. It may not be until the next life that some of those will happen. Maybe I will not be married in this life, maybe the Lord will reserve the fulfilling of His promise to me for the next life. Either way, I’ll be alright. He has always taken care of me. In the meantime, I’ll continue, as righteously as I can.

Today, I was reading in the book of Daniel about Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. It came to my attention that the Lord opens doors for all of us. He opens doors for us to be healed, to get a new job, to be in the right place to help someone, or even a door to test our obedience, to prove ourselves.

King Nebuchadnezzar built an idol and commanded that all members of his kingdom worship it. Three courageous young men chose not to worship it, and they were brought before the king. He asked them to worship the idol, or they would be burned. Their answer, is faith building.

O Nebuchadnezzar, we are not careful to answer thee in this matter.
If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king.

 But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor  worship the golden image which thou hast set up.

(Daniel 3:16-18)

This angered the king, and he thrust them into the furnace. I do not want to wonder what it must have felt like to walk towards that furnace, and to know that at some point, you would have to walk through it. The pain, the fear, the feeling of the heat...I would be worried. Yet I can see how I have walked towards a furnace in my own life. The Lord asks us to walk towards the unknown, trusting that He will be there for us. 

The king looked into the furnace and saw something miraculous.

Did not we cast three men bound into the midst of the fire? ... Lo, I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire, and they have no hurt; and the form of the fourth is like the Son of God. (Daniel 3:25)

I testify that the Lord will always walk through the door with us, that He will always be with us in the fire. He may not always take the furnace away, but as we turn to Him, we will always find that we are not permanently hurt. He has helped me as I have struggled to understand this door of being single in life, the furnace that could consume me. He is there to make sure that I am not hurt, if only I turn to Him. 

Nebuchadnezzar called the three men out of the furnace, and commanded all to respect the God that had delivered them, For:

there is no other God that can deliver after this sort. (Daniel 3:29)

I know that God will be with us as we are in the fire of our afflictions, no matter what they are. He loves us and He knows our needs, so much better than we do.

I love a song from the movie "Joseph: King of Dreams" titled "You Know Better Than I"

If this has been a test
I cannot see the reason
But maybe knowing I don’t know
Is part of getting through

I try to do what’s best
And faith has made it easy
To see the best thing I can do
Is put my trust in you

For You know better than I
You know the way
I’ve let go the need to know why
For you know better than I
(Copyright by Dreamworks)

He truly does know better than we do. I pray that we will all be able to trust Him.

Love,

Single Mormon Girl 

Compassion (Part Two): The Good Samaritan

I'm double dipping tonight...a friend asked me a long time ago to be a guest blogger on a collaborative blog, so I decided to kill two birds with one stone, and use the post for both blogs. 

I sat and waited in the temple that morning. I picked up a Bible and began reading. My fingers opened to the parable of the Good Samaritan....

“And, behold, a certain lawyer stood up, and tempted him, saying, Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?

He said unto him, What is written in the law? how readest thou?

And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all they heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.

And he said unto him, Thou hast answered right: this do, and thou shalt live.

But he, willing to justify himself, said unto Jesus, And who is my neighbour?

And Jesus answering said,

A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, 

which stripped him of his raiment, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead.

And by chance there came down a certain priest that way: 

and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side.

And likewise a Levite, when he was at the place, came and looked on him, 

and passed by on the other side.

But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was: 

and when he saw him, he had compassion on him,

And went to him, and bound up his wounds, pouring in oil and wine, 

and set him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn, and took care of him.

And on the morrow when he departed, he took out two pence, 

and gave them to the host, and said unto him, Take care of him; 

and whatsoever thou spendest more, when I come again, I will repay thee.

Which now of these three, thinkest thou, was neighbour unto him that fell among the thieves?

And he said, He that shewed mercy on him. Then said Jesus unto him, Go, and do thou likewise.” 

(Luke 10:25-37)

To me, the parable of the Good Samaritan is one of the most compelling parables that the Jesus Christ taught. The imagery of a man, robbed, beaten, and left for dead is a severe one, but draws such feelings of sympathy from my heart. Then, the image of the Good Samaritan, a man who was viewed by the Jewish people as inhuman, performing the most humane act of rescue. This parable is usual taught in Sunday School to encourage us to be the kind of person that the Good Samaritan was. But the levels of the parable can quickly show to us that this story is not merely about being good neighbors. The Savior was teaching a parable about the Atonement, about His own merciful redemption for our souls.

We are the “certain man” who traveled from Jerusalem to Jericho. We are the ones who have fallen among  “thieves”. These thieves could represent temptations, trials, our own incorrect decisions, or even the effects of living in a mortal world. We lie beside the road, “half dead”. The priest does not help us, the Levite does not heal, not because they will not, perhaps because they cannot. The Savior, the Good Samaritan, is the only one who stops to help, and the only one who can truly heal us. He pours in the oil of forgiveness and the wine of mercy. He forgives us of our weaknesses, our mistakes, and our sins. He comforts us when our trials become too much to bear, and when we have reached the end of our mortal strength. He binds up our wounds with His love and compassion. And not only that, but He takes us to a safe haven, an inn, where we can continue to heal and recover, and where He has paid in advance.

His mercy is beyond comprehension. His love is incredible.

No wonder He admonishes us to “Go, and do thou likewise” (Luke 10:37). There are many who are in need of healing. Figuratively, everyone has experienced being robbed and left for dead, at least once in their lives. How many of them recognize the Good Samaritan?

When have we seen our own friends lie beside the road from Jerusalem to Jericho? When have we walked by, as did the priest and the Levite? There may be those that we can help, but have chosen not see because of the possibly uncomfortable situation it could place us in. It is true that we cannot heal those that are “half dead” , only the Savior can truly heal them . However, we can help begin their process of healing. We can reach out to them and let them know that we are there for them, that we want to help. We can pour in the oil of compassion and the wine of charity. Above all, the most important thing that we can do is to assure them that the Good Samaritan really can heal them, if they will turn to Him for aid. 

What does this have to do with being a single Mormon girl?

Everything.

Some of the wounds that He so lovingly binds up are wounds of loneliness, heartache and fear for what the future may bring, or not bring. He alone can heal me of these, He alone understands what it feels like to be alone.

And so I turn to Him, as I develop compassion for those around me, and as I learn to lean on Him when I am weak from heartache.  

Compassion (Part One): Judge Not

Verily, verily, I say unto you, Judge not, that ye be not judged.

For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged;
and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye,
but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
Or how wilt thou say to thy brother:
Let me pull the mote out of thine eye—and behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
Thou hypocrite, first cast the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast the mote out of thy brother’s eye. (3 Nephi 14:1-2)

I’ve failed again. I’ve failed to be more like the Savior, to follow Him more closely. I find that one of my roadblocks is judging people…because of their weaknesses. Somehow, I make myself better than them. I feel the reproach acutely now.

“And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye…Or how wilt thou say to thy brother: Let me pull the mote out of thine eye?”(3 Nephi 14:3&4).

I’ve spent the past two days in a refining fire. I judged a friend because of their weakness. And I really judged them. I don’t have that weakness, so therefore, I was better than them. I made myself sick thinking about how awful that weakness is, how hard to bear, how hard to overcome. I racked my brain for ways that I could help change that person, to fix their weakness.

I’m just grateful that the Lord loves me too much to let me think that I’m better than others.

The other night, as the clouds were heavy with rain, I went for a walk. There was so much chaos inside of me that I couldn’t work on homework. My insides felt twisted, something that was becoming a regular occurrence. So I walked out the door and let my feet take me where my mind could find peace. I didn’t mind the cold wind whipping through my hair, nor did I mind that most of my walk was up a steep hill. The battle was internal.

“Badly done, Emma. Badly done indeed.”

I heard Mr. Knightly in my head. You know things have gotten pretty bad when the Spirit quotes Jane Austen to you to get the point across.

“[B]ehold, a beam is in thine own eye…” (3 Nephi 14:3)

I wished for the rain to come, for it to pour around me and cleanse the feelings I was having. It never came, at least, not in the physical form of rain. God showed me my own beams. I walked home with the peace that I needed, and the knots that were in my stomach were gone.

I woke up in the morning only to have the twisted feeling return to my stomach.  I was sitting on the couch writing a paper and felt it coming on. I checked the time and realized that I had a few hours before school started….I could slip away to the Temple and hopefully that would rid me of the feeling. The minute I stepped in the doors I felt the warmth and peace of the Spirit. I can’t even explain how easily the feeling melted away. After spending an hour inside that holy place, I walked out of the door, mostly healed. And I had new goals, to start removing my own beams, my own weaknesses from my life.

(to be continued...)

The Beginning of a Journey

Everyone has a beginning. Vacations begin, school begins, life begins, journeys begin. My journey began when I was born onto this earth. I came from a place where I had learned, loved and chosen to come to earth. This place is called pre-mortality. There, you and I lived as spirit children of loving heavenly parents. We chose to journey to earth, to gain 

mortal bodies and experiences, so that someday, we could become just like them.

This journey, so far, has not been easy. I don't expect it to suddenly get easier, in fact, I expect it to get harder. I'm ready for that, though, because I have a loving Savior who knows and understands my pains and sorrows. He knows them. He knows me.

So today, as I walked to my car after a long day at work, I felt that I should share that with the world. You need to know that no matter what troubles come, God has already sent 

His Son to lift your burdens.

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." (Matt. 11:28-30)

This blog is for all of you wonderful, single women out there. I know many of you, and some I have never seen or talked to...yet.

I want you to know that I'm one of you.

I've wanted to be married ever since I can remember. I've always been a romantic. I had my first crush in kindergarten (he was my neighbor). I loved playing with dolls, playing house, imagining I was a princess soon to be rescued by a handsome prince. I wrote stories about love at age twelve. I was sure that as soon as I came of age to marry (18), I would be swept off into my happily ever after.

But that hasn't happened yet. I'm getting ready to graduate with my BS next year. I served a  mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I've dated and I've been dated.  And I've had a couple of boyfriends. And friends who are boys who don't want to be boyfriends. You know the kind. 

Here I am, still searching for someone. . . someone to love and be loved by, someone to trust, someone to admire. Someone who is a wonderful priesthood holder, who loves the Lord and puts Him first in all things. I'll save the list making for another day. 

I'll continue searching, as long as it takes. I'll suffer the pains of disappointment and the grief of Friday nights caused by not being asked out. I can only endure these because of Jesus Christ, and His everlasting love for me. I know that the promise I have to find that special someone will happen, because of Him. 

What say you, my friends? Shall we journey together?


Love,

Single Mormon Girl